A marriage is like a pair of scissors: the two spouses invariably move in opposite directions, but cut down any outsider trying to encroach their privacy. Another eternal truth: the honeymoon period is sweet but short; we need diplomacy of a high order to have eternal harmony in our life. There will be ego clashes. There will be old age issues: AmoLatina.com physical ailments, slowing down of reflexes, and loss of memory. In a successful marriage, the spouses provide emotional support to each other. There are so-called 'smart' people, who ditch the spouse, if there is an incurable problem. They are losers in the long run, as they live a lonely selfish life. It is a failed marriage. She has literally disowned me. We live together, but don't share life. There is a social boycott from her side. God has blessed us with prosperity, and happily married, MeetMe.com review well settled children. A faulty start
It was an arranged marriage. In Oriental societies, love marriages were a rare phenomenon in 1970s. My in-laws wanted to help us financially. They offered a financial package to buy a house Eurodate on my son's name, for secure future of their daughter. I didn't accept the offer. In-laws financial help * After 4 decades of married life, my spouse believes that her parental financial support was vital for her survival, after marriage. I did earn decently, and we lived frugally within our means, and saving for future. She felt: she had to depend on her parents to buy clothes! While I thank them for generous gifts to their daughter, and grandchildren, But I believed, we did have enough funds to survive respectably in society. I wish, if only she had recognised my humble contribution to our family, as well. * She has time and again complained that I didn't contribute enough in our budget, after retirement. Yes, she received substantial funds, as her share in the parental property. I did contribute Rs 20 lakhs, (30000 US$), to clear a loan taken by her against a fixed deposit from a bank, and thus save on interest costs. She refused to believe that I could save that much. My pension, and investments are decent enough for self-reliance in our old age. Refusal to forget and forgive a 40 years old grudge She has carried forward 40 years old grudges against my parents, and subsequently against me. She blames me to be a mama's boy, who is incapable of setting right his parents. She refused to forget and forgive the 40 years old verbal altercation, and move on with life. Her conditional love was at stake, all these years. We tolerated each other for we both loved our children. We both dreaded 'divorce', as an alternative in our life, and continue to do so. As on date Now for last three years, she has refused to acknowledge even my existence in the house. The immediate cause! She feels - I ignored her, when she needed my attention, and went away for 2 months, to attend my 92 years old father. She had earlier told me to go immediately to attend my father, or I would regret later - God forbid, he stops recognising, in old age. It was a considerate thought from; I felt grateful. Then, why complain later? Dementia I am stressed, as she has suffered mildly from dementia, since last 3 years. A dementia patient retains old memories, but not 'recent' memories; And, loses enthusiasm in life, and wants to give up or postpone a cumbersome activity. Forgotten cooking skills She lost interest in cooking. She was an excellent cook. We enjoyed our bland but tasty meals. Food was too good, and I thanked God for her cuisine expertise. And now, she has forgotten her cooking skills, and avoids it. She has employed a cook, and gave her guidance: Just one litre of refined oil per month, vegetarian food, and a bland food with minimum spices. She generally buys: ribbed guard, bottle guard, cabbage, onion, potato, and tomato. Now, I had to rely on pickles and butter to add taste to my meals. Self-reliance is the answer She still makes 'bed tea'. It is a 'treat' for me. I don't remember, when she stopped making breakfast for me. She never asks me these days, whether I had breakfast or not. She still looks after Tessy, our pet dog: her food, her toys, her bath,and plays with her. She waters the potted plants, with affection. I yearn for her attention, but she is invariably tired physically and emotionally. Is it a deliberate action, to set me right? She attends guests, as and when they call on. Other days, she goes to bed, in her bedroom. I am left out. I feel ignored. A solution I can't share my thoughts with anybody: My children! It would hurt them. My siblings! It is my family privacy. Will I live a stressed life, for the rest of my life? My duty towards myself is to be happy always; and sincerely look after my better half. If I have done something wrong: cheating, or bullied, I must apologise, Or clarify the misunderstandings, and justify my righteousness. But fight or argue with whom? A dementia patient, would forget a discussion in next few minutes. I wish: we could sit together for breakfast. I yearn for putting my head in her lap. She loves doing other commitments - attending Tessy, doing religious prayers and watering plants. The plight of a dementia-patient helper I am her helper. But she is hostile to me, due to old memories. At best, she may not be hostile, but cold towards my suggestions. 'What do you think? Are you more intelligent?' I avoid discussion, speak in soft, submissive tone, and regret my suggestions. It works positively. I have to retain my jovial mood. I will not be defeated by changes in her behavior due to dementia. I will plan a counter-move successfully, with God's blessings. Till then! Thank You, God, for 43 years of good time. I promise to look after my spouse, as a father looks after his daughter.
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